Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
