WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
