i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
