I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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