Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
