THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize