You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize