No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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