if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
organizing the empties. That sober.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
