there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize