today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
