dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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