I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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