i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Who died my cat blue again?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
