If i come over, it means nothing
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
