we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
