Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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