More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
