Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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