Umm I'm too high to move.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
