I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
