wake up i wanna do it froggy style
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
