i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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