why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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