i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
