You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
no. you can't hotbox the world.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
