My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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