fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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