We won't sleep together?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
