You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
