i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
