Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
