and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
50% drunk capacity currently
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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