This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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