I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We got so high we made milksteak
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize