i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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