Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
