This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
