Kiss
Puke
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
