Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
