I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How external is "for external use only"?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
