i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
