he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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