I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
