Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
