I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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