i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Randomize
