if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
