My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
