Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
They are going to name an STD after you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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