Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
