If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
