maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
