OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
