i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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