I bet he comes in French.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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