i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
