am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize