I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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