Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
