Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
