I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize