guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
