What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
