Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
