I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize