i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize