I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
