Already got asked if we're dating
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
