I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
