i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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