I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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