I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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