My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
