Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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