When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
