Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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