Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
