**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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