my sisters under your porch take her home
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
