p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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