Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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