lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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