Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
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