you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
