I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
