just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The air taste purple.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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