I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You are the jesus of drinking
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
