Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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