Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
