You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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