Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
