I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
