Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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