She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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