you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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