he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i think my cat just said my name.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
