your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
