these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
