Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
