I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
